by the beach once again

… but you’re not here.

I don’t belong to yet another one of those couples being lovey-dovey by the water.

Not one of those holding hands.
Not one of those sharing this sunrise with someone special.

This sunrise belongs to them and not me.


The moment I saw the waves, I was hit by nostalgia.

Memories of the nights when I seeked the quiet solace of the beach…
The times when I had nowhere else to go…
Of you and I on the breakwater with our beers…
The times when I came here to soothe my broken soul…
Of the night of our first kiss…

My tears surface, knowing full well things could never be the same again.

The coward in me wishes that this moment will just stay still. Time stops. So that all may be preserved in its current state.

Or better…

Turn back time to the moments when it was you and me, enjoying the seabreeze here. Wind in our hair, hearts entangled and kissing in the warm glow of the rising sun…

But now it’s just me. Hair flying amok, heart in a confused mess, tears rolling down my cheeks.

As strange as it sounds, I want you back. Even though you never really did leave.


7 thoughts on “by the beach once again

  1. Hi, I have been reading your posts for a while already but have never commented.

    Hmm, there is something called Hormonal Withdrawal which can happen a few months after baby is born and it is normal to feel the blues now and then. I must have felt like that when my son was a baby/toddler. He is now 4.

    I hope you will feel better very soon. Hang in there.

    shell says: I’m hoping that’s it. Because honestly, nothing is particularly wrong. I’m just being… emo, I guess. πŸ™‚

    Thanks for the info though. Helps to know that it could be (yet another) hormonal effect of pregnancy/childbearing.

  2. Hey, I found you on Rachel’s blog. You write beautifully. Some of your posts – poetry! I love it! I used to spend all my teenage years writing poetry and love songs and what not when back in Katong Convent. That’s why I failed my physics. *haha!* Horrendous me. I still love reading other people’s writings today. It’s lovely.
    Happy Saturday and Sunday!

    shell says: I’m glad someone enjoys reading the stuff I spew. πŸ™‚

  3. Hi, got your link from Scarlett Ting’s blog since Friday and been reading your archives until now, interesting posts. I just given birth to my baby girl 2 months ago and i too feel the blues from time to time. My meternity leave is going to end in 2 days and it hurts even more that i have to leave my baby to the baby sitter when i start working. Please cheer up as you are a lucky woman to have a loving husband and a lovely baby that you can have all your time with.

    shell says: Congrats on your baby girl. πŸ™‚

    I’m trying my best to look on the bright side of things, but *sigh* I guess I’m just the sort who tends to over-dramatise matters. Will be trying to keep my head up!

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