depressive maniacal ranting

Sometimes I get the feeling that I shouldn’t ever bloghop.

There are waaaaaaaaay too many female bloggers who are prettier, slimmer, richer (be it their own money or not) and happier than me. I mean, how can you NOT be happy when you look almost perfect (be it plastic surgery or not) and get everything your heart ever desires?? Bloody hell. It is doubtful if I can even own REPLICAS of the things I want…

PRADA Corda/Bianco Frame Bag

Goddamn it.Tons of them are smarter as well, with graduate degrees and other paper qualifications under their belts. Or their husbands are bloody loaded and doting as well.

Tifanny Novo Engagement Ring

As often as I say (and total agree) that happiness is a state of mind, it is really damn HARD to get into that state of mind without a single penny on my size 12-14 frame.

Which actually makes perfect sense in this superficial society.

As strong as I am in some ways, it is really no mean feat to go against the “norm” (even if it is skewed) and beat the odds. 😑

And now I know why my mom always wanted me to study (but ironically she was the cause of my quitting school) and why she would scrutinise each boy/man I brought home. She always said if I couldn’t or wouldn’t carve a niche for myself, I should marry well. And by “well” I think she didn’t just mean emotionally.

I dream of a life seemingly unattainable, even though there are so many others living it.

I know for a fact that for every wealthy person in SG, there are at least 2 others who are barely scrapping by. It’s fortunate I’m not way down below, but I’m not even midway up the wealth ladder either. In any case, almost everyone I know are better off than me, and those who aren’t are in similar situations.

Show me a true financial sob story that isn’t a consequence of stupidity or worthless pride and maybe I will embrace my life wholeheartedly with no complaints.

Right now I’m going to activate my denial mode until I feel better. I’m just going to pretend that all those lucky girls fake their blogs. Yeah, childish. But WHATEVER. :rolls:

Very often, ignorance is bliss. But since I already know the harsh reality, I can only feign ignorance.

If daughters truly turn out like their mothers, then I’ll probably died by age 42 from a suicidal attempt fueled by depression.


P.S. Before anyone of you even thinks about leaving me comments about how lucky I am in my own way, DON’T. I’m not in the mood for counting intangible blessings this week.


8 thoughts on “depressive maniacal ranting

  1. im not going to tell you how lucky you are.

    but you do realise you have the power to change, possibly not all that, but some of that?

    instead of relying on someone to bring home the dough maybe, try something? like get a job?

    of course thats easier said than done when there are things to think of like whos gonna take care of the baby. but when theres a will, there really is a way. i unfortunately dont really see the will to even do something positive to change things, shelly.

    shell says: Hahaha. That is a good point being brought up. Despite yours being an anonymous comment of sorts, I really appreciate your virtual “slap” to reality.

    Actually in terms of leading a luxurious life, there is hardly much I can do. But of course, like what you said, I could get a job and make things slightly better. As for childcare, money would definitely solve that issue in a snap. Which is another problem on its own considering the amount I would possibly bring back. No more than $1.8k for a measly ‘O’ level grad versus the minimum $600 for childcare of any sort, throw in necessary work expenses like transport and there really isn’t much left. πŸ˜†

    You’re right when you say you don’t see the will. There is none, not even bare lip service.

  2. BLARGH. Not saying anything other than saying BLLLAAAARRRGHHH *pui pui pui* together with you… πŸ™‚ Hows those tonsils coming along?

    shell says: Hahahaha. πŸ™‚ At least the phlegm doesn’t come out tinged with blood anymore. Thanks for the love.

  3. Hey, it is perfectly normal to feel lousy once in a while. That’s what makes us women, you know?! But when we have enough of the depressive thinking, we have to snap out of it because no matter how harsh reality is, life goes on.

    There is probably no end to comparison but we can work out what we can do and try to achieve them. My siblings and I lost our Dad when I was 15, battled with my mum’s cancer a year after my dad’s death for another 3 years before we lost her as well. Parents were the type who worked hard but did not think of saving money or getting insurances but all 4 of us worked while we studied and put ourselves through college and universities. I guess we could have argued that we did not deserve to slog so hard and then give up on ourselves but I am glad we survived.

    Till this day I still salivate over a Chanel 2.55 but I know I cannot afford to just buy one off the shelf at a snap of finger. Even if I can, I will rather spend the money on my son or for a holiday for the entire family.

    Heh heh, at least you are attractive and sexy and write very well leh…and so young too! I want! =P

    shell says: Eh, you’re not that old, okay?! πŸ™‚ As for attractive and sexy… Well, let’s not even go there. *LOL* But you should probably see me in real life.

  4. I’m not going to offer advice because I’m crap at advice. But… if you want someone to vent to or yell at, my msn is at your service πŸ™‚

    shell says: Thank you, luvly (geddit? “Lovely” = “Luvly”?? :mrgreen: ), for the offer. But there’s no need for that.

  5. OK hugs from a fellow fat and not rich blogger. πŸ™‚ One of your down oments lah. You WILL bounce back in no time. How do I know? I recognise the very self loathing and depressive feelings..

  6. Hmm, your post got me thinking. Is anyone really that well-off in today’s society? Those people with jobs in the well-paying financial sector live fast and can afford a lot, but they work like hell. Those who earn a medium salary of 2,000-3,000 find themselves neither here nor there. If they want to buy a car, they’ll get burnt by the price of fuel. And i guess u’re in a really good position in ur life, with a husband who works in a promising job, and u already have a baby. As he grows up, try take up a part time job? A few hundred more each month (after minusing off the expenses) certainly wouldn’t hurt right?

    shell says: Well, we’re in the “middle class” as its called, and we’re really neither here nor there.

    To be honest, I am considered lucky to quite some people, since I don’t have to slog and still have a home of my own and meals all covered. But money solves almost every problem, be it temporarily or permanently. And currently at this stage in my life, having money at my own disposal would certainly make my life happier.

  7. Well let me share what I think. My parents are from poor families, and they work hard and give everything to me and my siblings so that even now at their 50s, they do not have much in life. (well except for us :D) I know from all their stories that life can be a bitch (they have really typical drama-ish life storied to tell, and well, they are divorced now). So from that, I know that I am lucky even though I am middle-class too, and I think that we should always look back at history to learn something and make the future better for ourselves. (heheh, so school-teacher-ish) I have friends who are filthy rich and whose fathers are ministers and big CEOs and such, and I do feel inferior sometimes. But I realised that people love you for who you are and that you are the the one who controls your life. I’ve seen those rich kids being in trouble with drugs and turn into complete wastes even though they have so much. And obviously, people always like to talk about the “good stuff” they have, and that would be why you always read about girls who have everything, but hey, look at celebrities for example. They have their bad times too and they are not going to show that, its just too bad that we have the paparazzi. And anyway, I read too that your hubby dotes on you too, and you have a very very cute baby! And he’s so well behaved and smart too from what I see and read! I don’t believe our life has already been pre-destined and that if you are poor, you will be poor forever. But of course, you have to do something about it. And I also like to think that since I came from a harder background, I will be able to appreciate things better and not throw opportunity away and take things for granted. (And that is also, if I make do make it big someday and I hope I do…!) All the best to you, and hope you cheer up soon enough!

    shell says: Thank you for sharing so much with me. I really appreciate it.

    Yes, most of us like to share our “glamorous” sides but hardly the ugly bits. Which is also one of the reasons why I have a no-holds-barred approach to what I decide to “share”. I am not perfect. Life screws up, I screw up and blah blah blah. I do not want people to think that I am Little Miss Perfect or whatever. But honestly, I also don’t give much of a damn who reads or not. This started out as a personal project of recording feelings/milestones, and it will always be that way.

    One thing though, do you not notice how the rich marries the rich and poor with the poor? Rare are the occasions when marriages crosses social classes. Thus, the chances of rising against the odds gets increasingly difficult through the years…

  8. “One thing though, do you not notice how the rich marries the rich and poor with the poor? Rare are the occasions when marriages crosses social classes. Thus, the chances of rising against the odds gets increasingly difficult through the years…”

    Actually, I don’t quite agree. “Marrying into the ranks” is the “easy way” but I think that we shouldn’t “use” that as the first option. There are lots of stories of people from hard backgrounds who made a name for themselves, and I have a close friend who after being marginalized and all in life, is now working with top ranks people in London. I have seen people who are at the top from their “connections” and those who worked their way there and its really different. People who have had everything given to them do not appreciate things, and they are more “narrow minded”.

    And then I don’t think that only the rich marry the rich. I guess its just that it depends on the circle of people that they hang around with, but its not necessarily among the rich only. Well not all at least, and its better not to hang around with people who categorize themselves according to wealth isn’t it. Have also seen people who try to act so hard like they are rich and big shot. But always remember to be genuine. At the end of it all, you want to have a life that was meaningful, not superficial.

    And I do admire your no-holds-barred approach when writing, thats why I love your blog. I love your writing!

    Anyway, I hope you are feeling better now. Wish you have a beautiful Christmas this year!

    shell says: Thank you for the compliments and well wishes. Merry Christmas to you too! πŸ™‚

    When I made that statement about rich marrying rich, I meant it in the way that the rich keep the money amongst “their own kind”. Although it is never impossible to achieve a certain status in business/life, when the rich and influential keep their wealth and networks within their own community, and forge very strong ties through business and marriages, it can be really hard to break in when you’re a “commoner”. Although, yes, I do know where you’re coming from. πŸ™‚

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