When things go wrong
my feet develop wanderlust.

The home is no longer a safe haven.
Not when I already am kept here more than I’d like to.
Not when I want more out of this.
This home is not a sanctuary.

A place to confine me to my daily duties.
A place where I am forced to face up to issues I don’t want to face.
A place where it takes so much effort to balance all the delicate issues.

You can always quit a job if you’re not happy.
You can’t just quit like that.

There’s no thought more tempting than to just dress up and get out.
To a club where the music is louder than my thoughts
and my brain ceases to think logically after ample alcohol.

The temporal freedom of not having a working brain.
The loss of need to analyse situations and come up with solutions.

Or embark on those journeys to nowhere.
Just to plainly walk aimlessly in the quiet breeze of the night
and indulge in the soft music singing in my ears.

A silent world, where the people sleep
and I
am the only one awake.

The cigarettes and alcohol are never here
when you need them.

Forced into solitude.


One thought on “Quitter.

  1. i think you need a short holiday to calm you down.

    drop them off at your parents/in-laws place, go for a short weekend trip with your hubby. friday night leave, sunday night come back.

    shell says: I wish it was so easy…

    1) My in-laws/dad are completely not interested to babysit the kittens.
    2) There is always the issue of $$. Your idea of cheap and good is not equivalent to mine.
    3) Holidaying with Joshua isn’t exactly my idea of a holiday.

    Nevermind. Weekend tomorrow. I just need a good meal and some more shopping. :mrgreen:

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