A decade of heartbreak…

And somehow I still haven’t gotten him fully out of my mind.

I can no longer remember his face as clearly
his features are a blur
except his single eyelids
and thick lips

I cannot remember the way he would talk
except for the way he would holler
and the gruffness of his voice
too deep for his age

I cannot remember the exact way he walks
except for the “couldn’t care less” swagger
and his size 11 Converse shoes

But the feeling he gave me
the kind of concern he showed
robbed me of my first love

He broke me for good
when he left without a word
No goodbyes
No explanation

He haunted my dreams last night
refusing to leave
I chased him down the street
demanding for a final goodbye

Maybe like how Hubs said
I just need closure
to leave this story behind
and move on for good

Ten years has been too long
to think about him periodically
and have him
rule my dreams at night

My first love,
You have no idea
how bad you broke me

I toyed with love
because he taught me
that it didn’t mean anything
that it was just a child’s game

I toyed with life
because he made me feel
that life was just a cruel joke
that no one was ever true

He said he’d protect me
from the world
from my hurt
from all that pained me so

He lied.

He left without a word
without a simple goodbye
As if I never existed
As if we never happened.

My heart died that day.


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