This morning, Hubs woke me up with hugs and kisses and we got to talking about random technology stuff. Then I suddenly got mad with the fact that there’s a new iPod nano in town and I haven’t gotten my square red nano yet. And I got so mad, I broke into tears.
Then I went to gym for Zumba class (one item off the checklist of gym classes!) and tried to follow up to Supa Street, failed terribly at catching up cos I hadn’t been going for the previous 3 lessons, and started feeling really crap.
Also, seeing my own flabby reflection in the huge mirrors didn’t really help when I saw how 80% of the women in the class were much slimmer than moi. Nonetheless, I still felt comfortable to undress/dress in the locker room, in front of the women walking to and fro.
I feel I am such an oddball.
I guess being “fat” makes me feel “cast out” of typical society standards, yet I don’t hate my body and I have learnt to accept the way I am now. I like my curves, Hubs loves my curves, Joshua would love for my tummy to bloat tremendously with a baby inside. So there’s nothing seriously wrong with my body. Nothing to be ashamed of. Only… oddball cos everyone is usually so petite.
I remember looking so huge in secondary school, whenever I stood beside my female classmates and we fuss over our hair in the washroom. I always looked double their size, and I still do. 😦
Sometimes, I guess I just want to fit in like everyone else instead of sticking out like a sore (and swollen) thumb.
So to cheer me up, Hubs drove me to Sabreena’s place to pick up my self-congratulatory gifts that I bought with my first paycheck for writing (thanks Flo!). I was so happy after getting home and ripping out the plastics that wrapped my stuff!
So now I am happy lah. When I am wearing Victoria’s Secrets corduroy pants in size 12, how not to be happy?! They hug my fat ass as if my ass wasn’t fat at all, and flatters every angle of me.
Basically I yoyo-ed from angry to sad to happy lah. All in one day.
Something is very wrong here.