magnanimity

Gawd, I love how you can sit there listening to me rattle on about First Love and the decade of confusion I had lived (and am still living) with minimal jealousy and maximum magnanimity.

I could never do that if we had reversed roles. My petty womanhood couldn’t handle it even if I tried. And no, I don’t think you’re a replacement even though my conscious mind doubts it.

You looked into my eyes, bore right into my soul, and I knew. You are the one for me.

Obvious similarities aside, you bring me stability that First Love never could have. Logically, of course that is not fair fighting grounds. We were 14, and you are 5 years older than me. But nonetheless, there was no fear whenever I was with you. Except the fear of you leaving me.

Which brings me to the most important point of all: I married you quick because I was afraid another “perfect guy” would suddenly throw it all away. I married you quick because I was scared of losing you. Despite how marriage never crossed my mind until I met you, it was YOU who made me feel the same sense of being loved and protected.

And this is what Dream Dictionary says of my repeating dreams:

To see an old ex-boyfriend from childhood in your dream, refers to a freer, less encumbered relationship. The dream serves to bring you back to a time where the responsibilities of adulthood (or marriage) didn’t interfere with the spontaneity of romance. You need to recapture the excitement, freedom, and vitality of youth that is lacking in your present relationship.

I think, maybe, it is true to a certain extent because, last night, I didn’t dream of him again. 🙂

Thank you. *slobbers wet kiss*

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