Yet another rant.

The gist of it? I’m so not looking forward to my birthday. At all.

No, it’s not a reason for me to splurge on stuff cos (as usual) there isn’t that much money to go around in the first place.

I’m not going to be able to get a Wii + Guitar Hero or Rock Band, because it’s not cheap. And because I already got a new phone – out of necessity, might I add – and that has brutally murdered $398.

I’m not going to be able to buy my first luxury branded bag because I don’t work and therefore we live on little money, and middle-class single income families aren’t supposed to own luxury bags.

I am not going to be able to zip off to a nice holiday because, well, it’s the same money issue isn’t it?

No, I cannot stick to my previous plan of painting the town red with tons of alcohol and cigarettes. Even if I was to break all the rules in pregnancy, I don’t think I could stomach alcohol. I can barely keep food in, let alone strong tasting alcohol.

So obviously, I can no longer aim to merlion on my birthday as previously agreed upon with the barflies.

No, I don’t want to “do dinner”. I eat dinner everyday anyway. What makes this dinner so fucking special? Covered in gold si boh?

What I want is something special, exciting, fun. But I guess all that will have to wait. Until the day there is enough money to go around. Until the day we no longer have to worry about what to do with the kid/s. Until… maybe until the day I die.

I blame my parents for over-hyping my birthdays every single fucking year. And now that I am older (and supposedly wiser), I still fantasize having that same kind of excitement to surround my “special day”. But instead, all I get is another day. Just another 24 hours to breath, eat, shit and generally be alive.

Some people would be thankful with just 24 hours to live, but me? I guess you can call me ungrateful. I’d rather live a short life filled with fireworks than a long life of dull boredom.

It seriously seriously doesn’t help that this pregnancy makes me feel like a piece of crap every single fucking day. Unlike other mothers who are counting down to the day they meet their babies, I am counting down eagerly to the end of this crappy shit journey.


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