Nursing Two.

22 months after his last taste of breastmilk, Joshua has decided that he wants it again.

It all started when we passed him a bottle of EBM (expressed breastmilk) that we had warmed up for Keegan, but didn’t manage to feed him with. The baby overslept, and by the time he had wanted to feed, my boobs were threatening to explode so, heck, I decided to latch him on to breastfeed instead of giving him that bottle. But not wanting to waste my milk, Hubs asked Joshua if he wanted it.

That boy finished all 150ml of it and ask for more.

Since that fateful day 2 weeks ago, I’ve been tandem pumping (pumping during each breastfeeding session while Keegan is latched onto the other boob) in order to extract the milk out for Joshua. And boy, is it tiring. Kudos to all pumping mommies!

If I had to feed my baby purely on expressed milk, I would probably give up due to exhaustion from all the “protocol” that’s necessary with expressing breastmilk. Really will ki siao lor.

I’d love to let Joshua latch onto the boob again, so I can skip all the hassle of pumping/washing/sterilising/storing/thawing/heating of EBM. But it’s been 22 months, and the only thing he manages to achieve at my boob is to BITE ME. (That’s the thanks I get.) 😕

And now that he’s refusing formula milk – preferring to sip a packet of Magnolia UHT while he waits for the EBM to warm up – I’m almost desperate for a quick fix to up my supply to be enough for two.

And this is despite using my urgently purchased Ameda Lactaline (for a good $365, I might add) to replace my not-so-efficient and wrist-straining Pigeon Manual pump. My religious tandem pumping, with extra pumping sessions thrown in to stimulate supply, has brought my total pumping yield to an average of 500ml per 24 hours. Joshua needs at least 240ml of milk, three times a day. That’s a good 220ml of milk I’m still lacking.

I think it may be time to buy some of those Fenugreek, Goat’s Rue, and whatever supplement thingies to boost my supply further.

I just wish Joshua had decided earlier that he wanted to switch back to breastmilk. Then I would have started pumping once didi was born, and would have ample milk to feed them both when the supply stabilised.  Instead of trying to up it after it has already nicely stabilised itself to feed just one newborn.

Still wondering if I should be feeling upset or happy about this. While I know breastmilk is good for Josh, I also know I’m damn stoned from the late nights of pumping/latching, really tired from physically pushing myself to make more milk, and stressed whenever he insists on having breastmilk instead of formula.

I can give him 240ml of formula, and he’ll put his “finished” bottle in the sink with 100ml still inside.

My current EBM stash = zero. Whatever I pump today all goes into his tummy tomorrow. Which means I can’t take any breaks without didi, cos there is no EBM left for him. Which means I might soon go insane from this constant mothering where there is no room for self, and all goes to the kids.

I think it’ll be a long long time til I can be released for a few hours to get my tattoo done. Manicures? Hairdresser’s?! Date nights?!? You must be joking.

P.S. I’m ultra bitter today because my Starhub set-top box decided to screw up on me and didn’t record the 2 eps of “The Charm Beneath”. It’s the only drama series I’m following, and my only source of lazy enjoyment these days. Thanks, Starhub. You officially screwed up my Saturday.

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