I just really want to leave everything behind, and go out for a walk on my lonesome. Silence welcomed. Solitude no longer a taboo.
It is also times like these when I envy mothers who work. A independent salary, hours a day away from mothering duties, a chance to wear a different hat – one at a time. There’s somehow no shaking this off as long as you’re a stay-home mom, but everyone needs a break. A day free of doing the same humdrum.
Even more so when one of the kids is making your life difficult on purpose. Like making you cook lunch for him, just to repeatedly insist the food is “too hot” when it obviously is barely tepid. Then spitting out the food because it is simply “too hot”. Grates on my nerves, man. Big time.
Needless to say, it was a spank and “Go to your room!!” for until nap time is over.
Quite often I wonder how some mommies cope with being mothers and employees, interchanging between two roles subsequently with such success? Only to be told and realise – yet very quickly forget – that it is much easier trying to do one thing at a time instead of a hundred.
It is also at these precise moments that I can’t wrap my head around why I am choosing to do this a second time round, save for the fact that I won’t earn enough to cover childcare expenses for two kids. (And that my abode is way too humble to accommodate the cheaper alternative of a domestic helper.)
So no matter whether I’m at home or out, sick or well, happy or sad, there’s no bailing out. Not even for 2 hours.
It’s quite helpless, actually.
I am still waiting for God to make things better. Because where Man cannot, God can. So I wait for the day my prayers are fulfilled. Meanwhile, I can only count my blessings that at least the bugger doesn’t step out of his grounded zone, so I may at least have some room to breathe and cough my lungs out in peace.