I’m still wondering what fueled me to head to Lau Pa Sat at some odd hour of the night to meet someone for supper.
I guess this just isn’t enough. Being confined within four walls bulk of the time. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the children (most of the time), it’s just that… hey, mommy needs some breathing space too.
But when I was enjoying the cool breeze and quietness on the desolated streets of the CBD area, there it was again – the silent fear of loneliness. It was as if I was back in mid-2004, feeling like I was all alone in the world with no one to hold onto or to back me up. Those were bleak days. Throw in a bastard boyfriend who had countless acts of infidelity and violence, it was me against the world. Oh, sad days. I was smoking at least 60 cigarettes a day back then.
There were the few shining stars though. Shaf, Vic, Reuben… Yeah, I know, I didn’t really hang well with chicks. But even then, that feeling was stronger than ever.
Then September 2004, a new chapter of my life. The man. OMFG I still hyperventilate when I recall the first time we met. *blush*
I still don’t know what was it about him that made my heart palpitate so, but here we are, just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary on 2 days ago.
Yet… that streak of darkness never seems to go away for good. It’s just always quietly sitting inside me, waiting for that window of opportunity to snarl at me. At least now I have a permanent refuge. In his arms.
When he bade me to play in his secret garden, he had meant it for life. The one and only key, just for me. In his arms is where home is.
I just wish there was more time to just be together and not bogged down by domestic responsibilities. But I know: At least I found The One, and he loves me for all my imperfections. My knight in shining armor, he’s the only one who seems to chase my demons away when I need him to. But with great power comes great responsibility, he can probably single-handedly cause my complete and utter downfall.
Happy 5th Feb, sweets. Thank you for always being here for me. I might not always seem like I appreciate it, but you know I do.
I love you.