We all search endlessly for a place where we feel we belong and can excel in. But how do you know which is the true place that is destined for you? All that ever felt “right” for me was doing pretty much… nothing constructive. So does this mean I am born for the life of a tai-tai? Seriously?!
After 27.5 years of being alive – neglecting the first half a decade where I probably did not know better – I realise what I love doing is what I love doing. (Pretty redundant, yes.)
I love reading at my own pace, writing about what strikes my fancy (or not), pondering on the various aspects of human psychology in layman fashion. I love wasting time thinking about stuff that has nothing to do with me at all (or so I’ve been told), and I love asking questions and finding out answers. Why is the sky blue? *googles frantically*
I love spending time mucking around with my boys – no worry about bills, deadlines, housework, or anything at all. I love analysing the technicality of fashion, and experimenting with it on myself (and poor victimised friends).
I love learning something new everyday. It makes me feel like this world is so big, and there are countless bits of it waiting to be known and enjoyed. I can’t be that kind of person who gets stuck in a rut, doing the same mundane shit every day of my life. (Which is probably why I love having kids and taking care of them, because everyday they grow a little bit and bring a new challenge.) Needless to say, I also love being a jack of all trades (but have no keen interest in becoming master of any). Mastering something would just mean the learning would end, and I would get stuck doing my “trade” endlessly. Like… writing for a publication. Been there, done that, moving on.
I love every single little detail of life – the flora and fauna, the way people behave and think, the way physics work. Awesome stuff. You’ll still catch me squatting by the pavement, staring at a little snail crawling along as if it’s the most fascinating thing in the world. And it is! I don’t care that I’m a mother of 2 and almost 30. Snails are amazing. (Speaking of which, I’ve always wanted to watch a snail disintegrate with a spoonful of salt, except I still find that too cruel.)
So… if one was supposed to find peace and joy doing what they were meant to do, then all that would be it. Doing nothing of what adults are meant to do, and being somewhat of an irresponsible person who isn’t earning a dollar to pay the bills.
But you know what? I can, and I shall. Because I was born to be loved by wonderful people who are always behind me on no matter what I do. And starting tomorrow, I will write – every single day – about something amazing that I’ve experienced each day. Because that is what I feel my life is supposed to be about: Experiencing and sharing how beautiful and miraculous this world is.
And yes, I am going to ditch every single goddamn thing in this world that I don’t give a shit about. The only job I’m going to hold for life is that of a wife and mother.
It’s an irony actually. Considering I’ve always been about “being real” and not caving in to conformity for the sake of it, but here I’ve been trying to “carve a niche” for myself by trying to do business when I actually don’t give much of a rat’s ass whether my money falls from the sky or through my hard work. Ha. Go ahead and laugh at my lack of ambition. I don’t give a rat’s ass either.
Thank you Lord, for showing me the way in the most unexpected manner. And thank you for sending angels to guide me. Namely airpork, Charlotte, Evan, my daddy, GGYY, Hubs, Uncle Henrie, Rachel, Sabreena, (in alphabetical order ok) and so many of you who have touched my heart in more ways than one.
I am blessed in more ways than I ever knew I was.
Tomorrow is going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I can’t wait. 🙂