A few revelations.

Within the span of my short sleep (4 hours to be exact), I was hit by a few revelations. You read me right, I got them in my sleep. I mulled over them for a while upon waking up, and yes, they seem to be true.

I can’t go into details now (or probably ever), so here’s just a breakdown for my own personal reference as well as for the good friends who know what’s up:

  1. Regarding that uncontrollable shopping urge I always have? I’ve always known it was to fill up some void, though I never knew what specifically. Today I found out (and I don’t like the answer). Running through the various timelines seem to coincide – I cannot resist buying something whenever the same problem strikes again.
  2. The longer I keep mum about it, the more resentment I feel. So no, ignoring it or trying to “live with it” doesn’t make automatically make things ok. (Who was I trying to kid anyway?!)
  3. The biggest issue I have with it all is how I seem to be the only concerned party here. Like fighting a battle on my own, when the chances of winning already look slim.
  4. I’m getting to the end of my tether and feeling more hopeless than ever.
  5. I am becoming one of those moms who prefer to sleep with her baby (note: not the preschooler) rather than her husband. Not yet sure if this is related, but it’s a significant change that I’ve noticed in recent weeks.

All in all, I am feeling quite crap.

 

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