32 and a half.

At 34 weeks with Kee, I had gained a total of 9.3kg. But now at 32 (and a half) weeks with Lisa, I’ve already hit 82.3kg – making the total pregnancy gain a hefty 12.3kg! WHAT.THE.HELL. Hopefully the doc is right on the point that most of the weight being “water weight” since I don’t seem to have grown much anywhere except the belly. Though it isn’t hard to believe that bulk of the fat accumulation could just be in the middle…

I blame the constant hunger, leading to the more than occasional bad food choice (high carb, empty calories, the shizz) and the undying girly hormone-driven sweet tooth! Come to think of it, I had a major sweet tooth when expecting Josh, and now he’s a sugar crazy preschooler who can’t go a day without asking if he can have something sugar laden. Kee on the other hand isn’t as mad for sweets, though he does enjoy a candy every now and then. This might mean Lisa will have some serious fights with me over her daily sugar quota!

I really should get some photos taken of my HUGE belly at this point, because I have reason to believe it’s even larger than when I had Kee. Pfffft. Explains why I can’t find any tops that fit comfortably anymore. My burgeoning middle has even outgrown my maternity tops!!

Dear Lord, may all the weight fall off effortlessly postpartum so that I will not need to work out and count calories like mad just to pass my own standards. May all jiggly bits be toned up with minimal – or no – effort. AMEN!

 

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Fix

Maybe if I keep reading this over and over again, it might sink into my thick skull.

Q. I’m scheduled to have a cesarean section. I know that in my situation it’s best for my baby, but I’m disappointed. I wanted so much to have a natural birth. Besides, I’m scared of surgery.

A. It’s normal to feel disappointed when the birth you hoped for will not be the birth you get, but the end result will be the same: you’ll see your baby! A healthy baby is your main goal, even if you will need some technological help. You have grown this baby inside of you. He or she will be your most important accomplishment; regardless of what route this special little person takes to get here.

All the natural childbirth information that is now available to women is great, yet it does set women up to feel like failures if they have to have surgery. Remember that a hundred years ago surgical birth was not a safe option, and be thankful that your cesarean will help ensure your baby’s health. It’s nice that you know about the surgery ahead of time so you can cope with the change of plans and not fight disappointment at the time of birth. You can also plan ahead and make the birth a positive experience for you and your baby. It takes maturity and a willingness to set aside your own desires to make the best of this situation. Having your baby surgically will be no less of an accomplishment than having a natural birth.

Excerpt from here.

Or maybe I will just come to terms with the fact that if I was pregnant a hundred years ago, I would probably have died during labour?
Or maybe I will just accept the fact that my cervix is incompetent and a freak of nature for failing to do its natural-born duty.
I should have just avoided that very first C-section at all costs to begin with, then I wouldn’t even have to be in this fix now.

 

Unheard.

You know it’s kinda dismal when nobody understands how you feel, and everyone tells you “it’s just hormones” or “it’ll pass”. Well, it’s been 5 months now – first month notwithstanding since I found out I was pregnant 5 weeks into it – and let me tell you that it hasn’t “passed”.

It constantly seems like I’m exchanging one set of problems for another set. Who doesn’t go through that, right? Except I’m exchanging into sets of problems that I don’t even want to be in the first place. (Ok fine that happens to bulk of us too.)

I’m trying my darndest to get my psyche in tune with all this; to psych myself up for it and “grow up” and “go with the flow” and all that positive shebang but it’s just.not.working.

Maybe I just need another POV on this. Like maybe, Hubs’ POV on wanting a daughter to call his own; a child who is attached to him and loves him unconditionally like the way the boys love me.

Yeah. Maybe he just needs to keep telling me that this baby is for him. So I’ll do it for him since I’m obviously failing at doing it for myself.

Damn I hate unplanned pregnancies.

22 weeks.

According to this post, I weighed 75.3kg when I was 23 weeks pregnant with Keegan. Now, at 22 weeks pregnant with Lisa, I’m 73.8kg and I hardly think I’m going to suddenly add on another 1.5kg in just one week.

This either means the calorie-counting fiasco I did a year ago actually stuck me with good diet habits, or God is magic. Either way I’m not complaining.

 

Monologue to self.

I realise there is still some use for a personal blog after all. Besides recording down events/feelings one might want to peruse in future, it’s the perfect spot to talk to yourself. Which brings me to the reason why I’m here today. 

I wonder if there is something I’m not seeing or understanding because right now, there are 2 camps of people around me: the “omg you must be so happy you’re having a girl” and the “omg you’re having a 3rd kid?!” Now, while I find it incredulous that there are people who are SO SHOCKED with the idea of having three kids, I have to clarify that while we had always planned for 5 (or maybe just 4) kids all in all, they were meant to be conceived when we were ready for them. Which means that #3 isn’t meant to be “in place” until Josh turns 8 in year 2015. Then maybe #4 would come in 2018 or something. And despite that stretched out long-term plan, I would still have had all my kids before I turn 35! 

But as God had warned me, #3 (aka baby girl Lisa) showed up on her own accord – unplanned and unprepared for – just when things were going as scheduled and everyone was getting along comfortably. 

So pray tell, how does one “feel excited” about a lifetime commitment that one wasn’t even ready for?! It doesn’t even matter whether it’s a boy or girl, this baby just wasn’t meant to be here at this time. But when God says it’s time, IT’S TIME. (And He had better give me lots of strength, courage, patience, wisdom, and the whole shebang to accompany His gift.)

Yes, I love having sons but I don’t hate the idea of having daughters. Yes, I love children (who are not brats) but I don’t miss being pregnant yet. Maybe give me a couple more years and I might just yearn for a burgeoning belly, the fun of waddling and the heaps of shit newborns churn out daily. But that time is just NOT NOW. There’s nothing exciting about this journey for me at all. If I could do without the pregnancy and just get the baby, yeah I think I would opt for that. (Except it means we get no time to prepare for her arrival, but that’s another issue.)

So pardon me if I’m not feeling excitable about expecting a child. Pardon me if I feel like crap and am inconsolable despite it “being the first girl!!!” and how much pink shit I can buy because of that. Pardon me if being pregnant just feels like being crappily pregnant and pretty much nothing else. Pardon me if I continue to refuse wearing tents and ill-fitting outfits just because I should “make do” for this “short period of 9 months”.

If you’d like to be excited about having a baby, go have one yourself. If you like to “make do”, go put yourself in some unprepared situation. I’m entitled to feel whatever I feel, and right now, it’s just feeling plain crap. 

Thank God for a wonderful husband who isn’t a low-EQ fucktard when it comes to shit like this. And thank God for the abundance to ease whatever little turds we may stumble on during this unprepared journey. Come morning, may God shine His Light onto my dark depressed soul and take away all this crappiness. Bestow your Joy upon me because, oh God, I need it so badly when it comes to feeling pregnant.

Dear Unborn

Despite not being prepared for your conception, Daddy was extremely happy (and might I add, somewhat cocky) when we found out.

Please be a pretty, independent baby girl with lovely hair like your 二哥 and a sweet disposition like your 大哥.

Please also remember that while I may curse and swear about being pregnant (again), it is nothing personal and I will still love you as much as your two brothers if not more – just because you will definitely look cuter than them and not start talking back for at least a year or two. If you do turn out to a heterosexual girl, the pains and perils of pregnancy may just present themselves to you at the right time.

Until we see your cute little face, here’s Mommy telling you to grow well, be well and we’ll see you soon. Love you! ❤

Almost 2 weeks postpartum.

The swollen legs have mostly gone away, leaving only the top of my feet still feeling slightly bruised from all that fluid retention. The boob engorgement is also easing up, while the frequency of leakiness is also reduced. The incision area is barely feeling sore, and I’m much more agile than last week. All in all, I’m healing up pretty well. 🙂

DSC_1017

My body – almost 2 weeks after Keegan was born – still looking kinda beaten up with fresh pink stretchmarks and postpartum flabbiness. Still some way to go before I can don a bikini, I guess. But hey, at least my bellybutton’s back! :mrgreen:

Total weight gain for entire duration of pregnancy: 16kg
Weight on day of delivery: 88kg (again!)
Current weight: 77kg
5kg to go until pre-Keegan weight of 72kg.
9kg to go until pre-Joshua weight of 68kg.
12kg to go until pre-marriage weight of 65kg.

KNS. Like damnnn long way to go lor. 😕 (Half-thinking I won’t be reaching the 60+ kg mark EVER.)

I’m gonna get Hubs to photograph my belly’s progress every 2 weeks (if we remember and have the time for it) and hoping that each time there’ll be some improvement on the flabbiness. 🙂 Wish me luck (and tons of chiobu dust)!

Hello Keegan!

For those who have been following my tweets religiously for updates on Keegan’s birth, you’d obviously know by now that I’ve popped! Well, I didn’t really “pop”, since I ended up being spliced open via C-section to retrieve the big baby who refused to descend down the birth canal…

Keegan joined our little family at 0028hrs on 17th August 2009, weighing a whopping 3.725kg and measuring 51cm “tall”.

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I don’t know why he looks like an angmoh baby, but he’s really pretty!

Now say Hi!!

Hubs turns 31 today!

Boy, ain’t he getting old! 😆

Hubs is still waiting to receive his birthday present – in the form of a new baby son – and with some luck, I may just pop within the next 13 hours and grant PapaNash his wish!

Meanwhile… Happy Birthday sweets! May you become happier, richer and fitter as you grow older! *muack muack muack* Paiseh hor, your “present” refuse to come out leh. Not my fault.

(Dang, I dread the day it’s my turn to cross the big three-oh.)

Are you still waiting?

Cos I still am! (As if I have a choice not to wait…)

Joshua has been trying to tempt Keegan with fresh milk – by sticking the straw into my overextended bellybutton – and Hubs now answers my calls with “Are you in labour?”, you can pretty much conclude that we are all pretty tired of waiting.

And the sad fact is, we’re not even past the EDD yet. Sheesh. Apparently that 1 cm dilation that was discovered in my 34th week didn’t quicken things up, huh?

On the bright side, Joshua finally seems to have settled back to his old self today – something that we’re all thankful for. No more fussy whiney sick J. He’s all smiles (and a ton of cheeky antics) again.

Now I’m just wondering… all the freshly laundered baby clothes made ready for Keegan won’t exactly be “fresh” by the time he’s born. And I’m sure as hell not going to wash them again!